Throughout my life, I have dealt with quite a few narcissistic personality types. I have dated them, been friends with them, looked up to them, worked for them, and have had them as clients. It seems that with all of these people I have encountered, I always leave the relationship or situation feeling so much blame and resentment.

Spirit has been working with me on that lately. My Guides and Angels have taught me to switch my focus from any sort of judgement or psychological diagnosis, to what I can learn from them. They asked me to look for their strengths, not their weaknesses or faults.

This was such a powerful lesson for me, and I wanted to share it with you.

Narcissists are pros at drawing people into their lives, and often they are extremely successful for that reason. They have a quality that people are automatically drawn to. They also have a way of illustrating their visions with such detail and passion, that you almost can’t help wanting to make it come true with them.

They are dreamers, and they will gladly tell you all of the reasons they will succeed, or deserve to succeed. Which leads me to lesson number one: People believe what you say about yourself.

That’s a big one for me. I have always had this belief that I must prove myself to others. In work, relationships, my business, etc. I can get so caught up in proving that I’m the perfect person, that the people I am trying to prove myself to, skip over me and go for the person that doesn’t do much, other than say “I’m the best choice.” or “I can help you.”

If you have ever had that happen to you, then you know how unbelievably frustrating it is. Spirit asked me, why not blend the actions of proving yourself with the powerful statement of “I am your best choice”? Why not state how good you are, while following through on that statement with actions?

Since I have started implementing this, I’ve noticed people trust me to deliver high quality readings. People trust me to be dependable and trustworthy in my friendships and relationships. People believe exactly what I say about myself, and I stay in integrity by matching my actions to those statements.

Narcissists also know how to surround themselves with an extraordinary support system! They always have an entire list of people they can call for a quick confidence boost, some motivation, or to simply bounce their ever-so-fabulous ideas off of. I know plenty of healers and psychics out there that have the hardest time asking for help and support, myself included! We think because we can do so much for others that it is somehow up to us to take care of ourselves. We usually have a high magnitude of people that rely on us also, which can make us not want to be a burden to anyone else.

This one is for all of you, and all my independent, do it yourself, friends. Lesson number two: Surround yourself with people that not only cheer you on, but that you can count on to show up for you.

Spirit says, you are so special, and have so much to offer, surround yourself with people that acknowledge that. Spirit also says, life is so short, and we really don’t know how much time we have. Why not make it fun, and have the types of relationships that inspire us and motivate us? I have been listening, and I have been being a lot pickier about who I spend my time with. This alone has lead to massive results in all areas of my life. I have been more motivated in business, in health, and I have had many more opportunities come to me since I have started spending my time with people that value me. I have established deeper, more balanced, and healthier friendships as well.

This lesson actually lead me away from the narcissistic types, so I guess it’s a good thing I learned it!

Have you ever noticed, the people who are constantly focused on themselves also tend to complain and get depressed more so than others? In my interactions with narcissists, I always felt exhausted from dealing with their massive mood swings, and going through their devastating lows with them.

Any time something went wrong, or a relationship went south, it was like their world was blown apart. I would be wondering, and asking Spirit, everyone goes through stuff like this, why is this person thinking they’re the only one? Because in their mind, they are the only one. Lesson number three, and one of my favorite lessons: Caring about others, specifically, doing an act of service for another person or cause, literally, cures depression in that moment.

When we can get out of our heads, and force ourselves to go do something to help someone, suddenly our problems seem like not that big of a deal. When I am helping someone, or volunteering for a great cause, I feel like I am contributing to something greater than myself. I feel like there are other reasons that I am here, not just to live in my own little world. Acts of service snap us out of our pity parties, and they remind us that there are other people, with other problems in the world, and we are really all in this together.

At the end of the day, yes – relationships with narcissists are toxic, and if you are in one, it would be healthiest to get out of it.

Those of us that are sensitive, empathic, and are healers and/or psychics tend to be especially prone to these kinds of relationships due to our way of caring for others, and our willingness to let our energy radiate and help all of those around us.

However, just like every relationship and every person we meet, the narcissists are here to teach us. These lessons are not for us to grow harsh or judgmental, but for us to learn how to speak our truth, how to really go after our dreams, and make an extraordinary difference in the world. I have absolutely no regret in any of my friendships or relationships with the people who I have learned these lessons from. These lessons are positively impacting my life daily, and for that I am in eternal gratitude.

Thank you to all of them, and to Spirit for helping me see these relationships in a different light. I hope this inspires you to look at your relationships in a different light, to see what there is to learn, and to also create some positive changes in your life.

August 2014 Issue