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Are you nice and helpful? Can your friends always count on your help? Are you always there for other people? Helping other people can be the most fulfilling activity or it can be the most draining activity you engage in.

The difference is when YOU decide that the activity is something YOU WANT to do, not something you feel obligated to do.

Here are 7 Warning Signs that you are a People Pleaser:

1. Put other’s needs in front of your own. I am not talking about those times when your friend is sick and you bring dinner once in a while. I am talking about when you have something you want to do, like go to the movies, but drop your plans when your friend calls and needs help moving.

2. You feel like you are in a constant state of overwhelm. You have agreed to do so much for so many that there is no physical way you can do it all – and you attempt to anyway. Which leads to expending you energy all the time, with no time for you to rest and revitalize your energy reserves.

3. You have a feeling of resentment when “helping” others. When you are helping someone, you are deep down resentful. Usually at yourself!

4. Agreeing to do something based on what another person will think of you. You are asked to do something and don’t really want to, but agree because you are more concerned about what they will think of you if you say NO. Such as being invited to a friends party when you already have plans. You are so worried that your friend will not like you or the friendship will be over if you don’t drop your plans and attend their party.

5. Want everyone to be happy – and will do anything to attempt to make that happen. This one is pretty self explanatory.

6. You NEED validation from other people to feel good about yourself. You don’t create your own self-worth from inside, you only feel worthy when other people compliment you for what you have done for them. You also might notice that if you don’t get that outside confirmation, you feel bad.

7. You are miserable around someone else, and do it anyway. I have a friend who kept attending a monthly meeting with people she really did not like because she was afraid they would not like her if she quit the group. Until she finally realized, she did not like them! So she finally got the courage to quit and step out of her misery.

Wanting to help people is not a bad thing!  Helping people when you create misery for yourself will wear you out!

If you have the signs of being a people please, the most important step you can take is deciding that you want to change!

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March 2014 Issue