Falling Head-Over-Heels in Love with YOU

Self love is a process that takes continuous effort, compassion, and commitment. Our relationship with ourselves is the most important, and yet, it is the relationship we most neglect.

Our society has us trained to push ourselves to the extremes, to not accept any weakness, and to strive harder than we thought possible in order to reach this level of what we perceive to be successful. In business we are taught to compete, to constantly prove that we are the best choice, for clients, for the promotion, for the money, for the prestige.

I have encountered all of it in this process of accepting myself. I have used drugs to make myself lose weight, I have binged on junk food in order to ease emotional pain. I’ve starved myself, and have eaten whatever I’ve wanted.

What I have found, is that when we try to change something about ourselves because we don’t like ourselves, it turns into self-punishment. When we shift our perception to wanting to change ourselves to become more in alignment with our true self, or our best self, we can defeat our proclivity to punishment, hatred, and self sabotage.

Here are 10 ways you can actively love yourself in the moments it is the most challenging:

When you feel mislead, betrayed, or heartbroken. Many of us are inclined to go into a cycle of shame and blame when someone else does something out of integrity. We feel as if we should have known, or we are stupid for being fooled. These people that hurt us are always our teachers. The best way to love yourself here, is to take a step back from it, and look at what you could learn from this situation moving forward.

Also, remind yourself, that you are doing the best you can, with what you know at the time. They are also doing the best they can, with what they know at the time. While you do need to get the anger out of your system, remember to be compassionate with yourself as well.

When you have been rejected. Everyone is going to be rejected at some point in their lives. Either from a job opportunity, a friend, family, or lover. It’s bound to happen. The most common reactions to rejection are anger, fear, and shame. In these situations, the most loving approach would be to not only look at what you can learn moving forward, but to trust that maybe it’s just not meant to be right now. Ask your Angels and Guides to help shed light on any lessons available for you, and also to help lead you to the opportunities that are a good fit for you in this moment.

When you want to lose or gain weight. This is probably one of the biggest battles for a lot of people out there. It has been one of my biggest lessons in self love without a doubt. In these situations, there is often an automatic response to this thought that triggers extreme action. We go on extreme diets and start extreme workouts, usually at the same time. Then, we lose some weight, or put on some weight, and we miss a couple work outs or something goes wrong, we give up altogether, and end up either gaining the weight right back, or losing all the muscle we just put on.

When we come from a place of wanting to lose or gain weight because we love our bodies, and want them to be healthy, we can make much better decisions. Try to get into this mindset first. Then, look at your daily habits and ease into your new, healthy life style. What can you do to cut out some junk food and eat a little healthier? Where can you squeeze in some work outs that would match you where you are right now. Maybe power walking is a killer workout for you. That’s great! Walking is actually much easier on your body than running, and it still burns plenty of calories. Maybe taking a class like yoga, boxing, or dance seems more your style. See what feels good to your body, and do that. Movement is supposed to make you feel better, not worse.

When you are sick of the way you look. You have decided you need a full makeover – new hair do, new clothes, a new way of showing up in the world. Usually, this means you have been through some sort of transition in your life. Even if it’s been an internal transition, we can still desire to change our outer appearance to match our new internal state. Here, instead of coming from the viewpoint of I am sick of the way I look, try asking yourself, “How can I match the way I look to the way I’m feeling and being?” Let the way you do your hair, make up, and dress magnify who you are, not hide who you are.

When you have an intimidating goal to reach. You have a huge launch coming up, a presentation at work, a deadline to meet, a life changing event, etc. This is when society is has completely brainwashed us to power through, toughen up, and rest afterwards. While I agree that yes, it is absolutely vital to work harder than usual and be more productive during these times, it is also most important to be good to yourself and get your rest during these times. When we are exhausted, not eating right, or staring at the same thing for too long, our brains are going to stop working as well. Sometimes, the most productive thing can be taking a nap, or a walk around the block for some fresh air and a healthy snack. Make self care a priority during these stressful moments, and you will nail whatever it is you are working on!

You just lost it all. At least that’s how it seems. You lost your business, your house, your marriage, or your best friend. You can’t believe this happened, you have no idea how you are going to go on with your life. You’re angry that it happened to you because you try so hard to be such a good person, and there are so many people out there that aren’t nearly as good as you are… I’ve heard it all, either from myself, from clients, or friends. I partnered with my dad on a housing investment in my early 20’s, and lost it in the economic crash. I’ve lost stock investments, friends, relationships I thought would last forever. I know what it’s like to feel like you’ve been wronged by the world. The most important thing here, is to let your anger out. Whether you punch a punching bag, a pillow, or go buy one of those little dammit dolls, do something to let your anger out before it gets stuck in your body.

Then, it really comes back to trusting your Angels and Guides. Would they really take this away from you if it didn’t serve a purpose? There is always a lesson, or some sort of gift in loss. Be open to seeing the other possibilities, and new beginnings that come with any loss. Also, don’t forget to really check in with yourself during this time. Every time we lose something, we have an opportunity to create new. So what are your thoughts creating for you? They can either create more loss and devastation, or they can create new friendships, new homes in new places, and all kinds of great things that are better than what you had before.

When you don’t fit in. You’re different. You’re smarter, you’re more creative, you’re not as smart, you’re too sensitive, you’re too logical, you’re driven, you have a free spirit. In life we are going to come into contact with many groups of people. A lot of us won’t fit in with most groups of people, and some of us will fit in with almost everyone. It’s all ok. Don’t criticize yourself for being different, and don’t criticize yourself for being normal. The world needs all kinds of people. The world needs you.

You’re too sensitive. You have weird allergies, or sensitivities to chemicals, or even energies. You suffer from anxiety around lots of people, or harsh environments. In a world that focuses on powering through, sensitive people often feel left behind. However, we are actually here to help the rest of the world get in touch with their sensitivity. We are here to help people really realize what’s going on. Whether it’s with our food, chemicals, the environment, or the power of energy, we are given this gift of sensitivity to help bring light to what’s going on. The greatest gifts can feel like curses, but they are given to us so that we can make changes. Be thankful that your sensitivity keeps you from being in harsh environments, or working with harsh chemicals. Be thankful that you have the ability to see and know what others don’t. Trust your intuition, and allow it to guide you in creating a healthier life for yourself. By doing this, you are leading by example so that others may do the same.

You made a huge mistake. You feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, and stupid. You can’t even believe you did what you did. You are currently condemning yourself for still being alive after doing what you did, while some people do terrible stuff all the time and never think twice. I want you to listen loud and clear- WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. It’s part of living. Mistakes allow us to grow. I have made tons of mistakes in my life. In fact, I cannot even believe that I am the same person that I once was. However, my mistakes gave me an education that no amount of school or good behavior could have ever gotten me. They gave me the opportunity to find myself, and change. I’ve done some pretty stupid and terrible things, but I’ve learned from all of them. They actually allow me to reach people that wouldn’t listen to a single word out of my mouth unless I could validate having been where they are. Now, I’m not saying give yourself a free pass to screw up. We all need to hold ourselves accountable. By taking responsibility for our mistakes, we can learn, and we can change. Responsibility creates freedom.

Justified anger. This is probably the hardest situation to love yourself in. Sometimes this justified anger is at ourselves, and other times it’s at another. Either way, it brings us nothing but pain and sickness. Anger is poison- justified or not. I work with a lot of clients on letting go of toxic energy, and justified anger is the most common. The biggest lesson here is forgiveness. Forgiving does not mean that we are saying the action is ok, it means that we love ourselves enough to let it go and move on. We trust that somehow, the person responsible for causing that hurt will learn from it. When we die, we go through a life review. During this time, we must feel all that we inflicted on others. Which means, we get to feel all of the good we put out there, and also the bad. So each one of us will understand the effects of our actions one day. Staying angry at someone else actually keeps us in a prison of that energy. It gives that person all of our power, and keeps us in a victim state of mind. When we truly realize this, we can choose to love ourselves enough to let go.

Loving ourself means forgiving them.