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Doubt yourself. It’s healthy.

The number one thing that stops people from accomplishing their dreams – whether it’s writing a book, skydiving, starting a business, going on a particular destination vacation, or anything else – is doubt. It shows up in things like, “What if…?” questions like, “What if something goes wrong?” and “What if I’m not any good at it?” and it shows up in not enough statements such as, “I’m not young enough,” or “I don’t have enough education/money/time.” Yet, despite all of this, doubt is healthy.

How?

First, consider that the What If questions are actually your mind’s way of thinking of contingencies. Instead of letting those thoughts stop you, play them out. Figure out how you’d actually handle that What If. As you figure out a plan for each What If, you begin to feel more confident.

Second, consider that the Not Enough statements are incomplete sentences. For example, “I don’t have enough money” turns into, “I don’t have enough money to do it the way I keep thinking I should, but maybe there’s another way.”

Third, consider doubt is a motivator when used correctly. “I don’t think I can” turns into, “I’m going to prove it to myself and others” or, “I don’t think I can, but I’m going to see what’s possible.”

Why is doubt healthy? Because it’s showing us what our own thoughts are, and all of the misconceptions about ourselves that we’ve bought into from our past.

Our doubts don’t come from us. They’re the statements we’ve learned to believe about ourselves for a wide variety of reasons. Doubt raises it all to the surface so that we can address it, and resolve it. When it’s resolved, we not only accomplish the task that brought it up, be free ourselves to do even bigger, greater, and more amazing things than we dreamed possible!

What does this look like in real life? I’ll use myself as an example.

When I divorced in 2009, everything fell apart. I took my two kids and went to live with my mom for a while until I could get my feet back under me. After about six months of feeling lost, I decided to go back to school, which for me meant getting a masters. I wasn’t sure whether or not I could do it, or even whether or not it was a good idea to even try, but I wanted to get my life moving again somehow. Truth is, I was crucified for the decision. My friends and family thought I was nuts, they told me it was way too much to take on for a single mother, that I needed to focus on my kids. At the time, I was one of three families being profiled for six months as we worked with a financial planner to improve our lives. The magazine profiling us brought in an “expert” to address my decision to return to school. He, along with the entire audience, tore me apart. The debt wasn’t worth it. The time wouldn’t actually pay off. It wouldn’t make a difference in my life or my kids lives. I was a fool. Of course, they all based their statements on the idea that I was going back for a bachelors. Once I correct that, the conversation halted. The “expert” never addressed what that might look like, but for me, the damage was already done. Having had a few thousand people tell me what they thought I should and shouldn’t do with my life, and how I was various kinds of an idiot for my decision, stirred more doubts and fears than I can even count.

Yet, each fear and each doubt served to deepen my commitment. I didn’t know if it made sense or not, I didn’t know if I was even going to make it all the way through or not, but I wanted to see what was possible. And besides, there was one aspect no one was ever able to talk me out of: I believed going back to school would serve to get my life moving again by creating momentum and helping me refocus on a career path that I would be passionate about.

The road has been tough. I’ve been a single mother working full time and going to school full time. I’ve had to heal myself and help my children heal from the divorce. One of my two children was finally diagnosed with Aspergers, a form of autism, so I have had to take on the role of activist for him to get him through the school system and ensure his needs are met. I went through a layoff at my job, months of unemployment and the financial challenges that come with that, and the learning curve of a new job. I went through the beginning, middle, and ending of a long-term and very deeply meaningful relationship. I had to take my ex back to court. I’ve watched my children grow, making it to every sports game they have each had regardless of how much homework was waiting for me. In other words, I’ve gone through life while I’ve been in school. All of the What Ifs, doubts, fears, and Not Enoughs have come up – again and again and again – every step, every term.

I read a quote a few weeks ago while checking my facebook feed that read, “Success means never doubting yourself.” WRONG! I’ve doubted myself every single day for the entire three and a half years I’ve been working on my masters. And ya know what? That doubt has helped me find solutions, and find my strength. It’s helped me to continuously clarify why I was doing what I was doing and ensured I still wanted it. It has shaped me, my life, and my business for the better. Sharing it has also allowed my friends and family to get to know me better, and deepened those relationships in ways I could never have imagined. Yes, they’ve continued to call me crazy, but they’ve also supported me in huge and incredible ways I’ve never experienced before. They’ve broken my heart open with their love and support. And, they’ve told me I’ve inspired them too.
On June 15th this year, I earned my masters degree – both despite and because of the doubts I encountered along the way. So whether your dream is to write a book, start a business, take a trip around the world, buy a house, go back to school, or anything else… get started. And then just keep taking one more step. It won’t look like you thought it would. It won’t feel like you thought it’d feel. It won’t play out like you planned. You’ll be tested. You’ll be challenged. The naysayers will get inside your head and make you question yourself often. You’ll have your doubts, your fears, your days of wanting to walk away. Don’t. Just take one more step.

Because it’ll all be absolutely worth it.

Success is not about never doubting yourself. Success is about what you do with the doubts you have.

July 2013 Issue