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Growing up there was always an undercurrent of victimhood in my house. When you’re a kid you don’t see it. You think your family is just like everyone else’s. (And, I guess for the record, my family was like everyone else’s because everyone has stuff…just maybe different stuff. I digress.)

My mom did a good job of saying empowering words to me and building me up, but you know that whole pesky “Do as I say not as I do” thing. Yah. It was that in my house. I learned that it was ok to be powerful, in theory, and I’ve always fancied myself a powerful person but a strange thing happened on the way to being an adult: I found out that my power was built on a shaky foundation of a victim mentality.

It had seeped in there over all those years. I didn’t even notice.

My Turning Point

It took me leaving that house and becoming my own person to uncover it. It took the perspective of life and seeing other people’s raisings. It took me getting into some tough situations and seeing what was underneath my tough exterior.

And it was really difficult.

But, I knew that in order for me to be the best version of myself I needed to put on my ass kicking boots and my big girl panties (down a glass of pinot grig) and decide what I was really made of.

▪ Was I a helpless victim or was there more to life than my circumstance?

▪ If I was in a shitty situations could I make it better for myself?

▪ If I wanted more for my family could I do something about it?

▪ If something didn’t feel right to me in my gut could I speak up about it?

▪ If I wanted my own business could I make it a reality without any clue how to do it?

▪ Would all of these things make me a difficult person? Is that really such a horrible thing?

Everyone reaches a point in their lives where we have to face the harsh but freeing truth that we aren’t victims of circumstances but the captain of our own destiny. It can be exhilarating and overwhelming to realize that the power we’ve been looking for is inside our own skin. It’s not “out there”! No outer being is going to tap you with their magic wand and make you powerful. Make your dreams come true. Make you a success. It’s all up to you.

Choosing Your Needs

My friend Carrie Smith at Careful Cents decided 2013 was the year to change her life. She was unhappy and knew it was time to do something about it. Carrie had been building her freelance career and personal brand on the side for a couple of years but she knew it was time to go full-tilt.

When I first met Carrie, despite the fact that she had built an incredibly successful side business while working ungodly hours at a job that drained her, she had no clue just how powerful she really was.

I could see it just beneath the surface. Her mojo. It was there.

Over time I watched Carrie realize her full power through choosing herself, trusting her gut and deciding what her life would be rather than letting those around her decide. Today, six short months later, Carrie is the epitome of strength. She knows who she is and who she is not. She embraces her needs and she keeps her eyes on what she wants while keeping all the chatter out. It was because she made choices that were in line with her heart’s desires that she was able to fully embrace her true, raw strength.

It May Be Woo-Woo But It Works

Now, I know this all sounds a little woo woo so let me explain a bit further. It’s important.

Recently I stumbled on a Forbes piece called Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid. As I read through the article I realized that over the years as I’ve tried to “rebuild” my foundation I’ve unwittingly been embracing all of these strategies. And the people who I know and admire for their personal and business strength lean on these strategies, as well.

I hope you’ll hop over and read the full Forbes article but I wanted to talk about three of the 13 points that I really love the most. The ones I think can change your life today.

Mentally strong people avoid:

Feeling Sorry For Themselves – Feeling sorry for yourself is a waste of time! Dislike your job? Figure out a way to change it. Don’t like that client you took on? Refer them out and move on. You made the choices that have brought you to this place so make new choices and get on with your life.

Worrying About Pleasing Others – You will NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER please everyone. You may be a “good girl” or not. But whatever you are take the idea of making everyone happy and burn it. Bonus thought: This applies to the holiday season. When choosing how you are going to spend the holiday you’re probably going to piss someone off in your family. So what’s the takeaway? DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY! It’s not complicated but it can be difficult. Choose yourself. It’s the only way.

Expecting Immediate Results – This one is specifically with regard to your business. Building a successful business takes time. If someone looks like they’re an overnight success, they’re not. They just caught their break is all. Show me a superstar in this business space and I’ll show you someone who heard crickets on their blog, launched duds, and considered giving up. Don’t expect immediate results. Go into everything with an open heart and a hope of learning whatever lesson you need to learn. It’s ok to have expectations of success but don’t launch a blog and then expect a call from Oprah. It doesn’t happen like that!

As I said, I hope you’ll take the time to read the full 13 things article but regardless the point here is that you get to decide if you’re a victim or not. No matter how you were raised or what has happened up until this point you can make a different choice in your life and your business.

You decide. YOU. DECIDE.

Decide how you want to live your life.

Decide what you want in your business.

Decide to take action to make it happen today.

Decide not to let someone else’s victim mentality seep into your business. No matter who it is.

Decide to surround yourself with mentally strong people.

Take Action Now: What have you decided in your life and business? What challenges, if any, presented themselves when you finally made the decision?

Or if you are just deciding, what fears do you have about making that decision you know needs to be made?

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May 2014 Issue