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We’re all familiar with the uncomfortable feeling that arises when you’re in a social  situation and a Negative Nellie is openly bashing someone else. You may or may not know the person being bashed, but either way…it’s weird.

Those of us who are highly compassionate tend to be hyper-aware of our surroundings and the feelings of others. You could say that empathy is our special nerdy super power.

WITH GREAT EMPATHY COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY.

In a society that has trained us to constantly judge other people, we end up being thrown for a loop when in the presence of a Negative Nellie. In our minds, we think: “Well, hypothetical Bob is talking shit about hypothetical Miranda. I don’t even know Miranda, but he’s being mean. If I speak up, Bob won’t like me. If I don’t speak up, I’ll feel uncomfortable and Bob will never know that I’m not down with shit-talking.”

We’re so afraid! So as Bob continues to talk smack about Miranda, we feel that uncomfortable knot growing bigger and bigger as long as we keep our mouths shut.

Why?

IT’S EASIER TO KEEP QUIET AND FIT IN. IT’S HARDER TO SPEAK UP AND STAND OUT.

You just want Bob to like you. I get it. Maybe you don’t want to hurt Bob’s feelings. Perhaps you don’t want Bob to think that you consider him to be a horrible human being.

Those are all fears that come up and I’ve felt that way, too.

But take a moment to really think about it–just because it’s easier to just go along with it, doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily better. I’m sure it was much easier to keep segregation and rampant racism in the 1960s alive, instead of starting the civil rights movement. But did it feel good?

Nope.

WHY DO WE FIND IT SO DIFFICULT TO SPEAK UP?

Speaking from personal experience and from what I hear from fellow nerds, we’re afraid of being the “outcast.” We’re afraid of being “judged.” We’re afraid of seeming “uncool”. We’re afraid of making mistakes.

I have news for you, and you might not like it:

We’re always the “outcast”… We’re always being “judged”… We’re always going to seem “uncool”… We’re always going to make mistakes…

In the eyes of someone.

On a planet filled with about 7,204,600,105 people, someone is going to find fault with anything that you do.

Armed with that knowledge, what would you prefer? I have discovered two options:

1. Shudder in darkness, cowering away from the world, never being your true, authentic self

2. Laugh and dance in the sparkling light, unabashed, slightly afraid, but with a fuck-‘em-I’m-going-to-be-myself-no-matter-what-you-think attitude

EASY = COMPROMISING. DIFFICULT = REWARDING.

If it means ultimate happiness, while getting that much closer to discovering who I am and how I’m meant to share who I am with the world, please give me difficult hurdles so that I may have a truly rewarding life.

As you get closer to your happier, authentic self, you’ll start to notice a strange truth: why would you want to continue hanging around judgmental people like hypothetical Bob, anyway?

Considering how “crazy” you are, the minute your back is turned, hypothetical Bob will be yukking up how much of a *bleep* and *bleep* you are.

WTFBBQ? STFU Bob.

CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO EMBRACE THE HIGHEST AND MOST AUTHENTIC VERSION OF YOU. YOU’LL BE A HAPPIER PERSON FOR IT, I SWEAR.

At the end of the day, the “glamour” of fitting in is really just a coating of grime on the surface of your conscience. I will more than likely swear like a sailor, trip over everything, nerd out over comic books, gush about Sailor Moon Crystal and drink taro bubble tea while designing websites in my underwear until the day I die. These things will not change and that’s okay.

I’m doing me.

So…screw what others say about you. Don’t fit in because, well #YLOO (No, that’s not a typo. #YOLO is grammatically incorrect…)

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November 2014 Issue