Saying NO is a life skill.

I took a 5 day Personal Development Class recently.  It was about three hours on the phone, each evening, a workbook, challenges and exercises.  This isn’t my first one and definitely won’t be my last!  I know and have heard quite a bit of the information covered, have done similar exercises before and have been “in my face” challenged numerous times; but I love to grow, expand, have ah’ha moments and find ways to be better.

The thing is, every time I listen, participate, or attend a personal development class I get something out of it.  Usually a lot out of it because I go with the intention of creating value for myself and I don’t let myself down!
Even though quite a bit of the personal development information is similar, I like that each presenter or trainer has a unique spin on the content.  Quite a bit is common sense; and if you have ever attended personal development training, you know what I mean.

Such as:

• If you keep doing the same thing you have been doing, you will get the same results.
• If you keep making the same decisions you have been making, you will get the same outcome.
• To change your outcome, you must change your actions and decisions.

Or how about this:

The first step to changing your life is to make the decision.  Not set a goal, think that changing your life would be nice or fun, or even meditating or creating a vision board about what your new life could look like.  Bottom line, you HAVE to make a decision to change.  The second step is then just as important, you must stick to that decision!

So one of the twists from the class was focusing on skills vs actions.
Meaning, if you set a goal to make more money and then you go out and do a bunch of stuff, like put stuff on e-bay or craigslist, or maybe you make a few more sales calls, or whatever it is you DO to make money; you  may or may not make the goal you set.

If you focus on increasing one of your skills that will support you to make more money, the possibility of you reaching your goal increases.
If you list an item on craigslist for example you may or may not sell it.  If you work on your communication skill and create an awesome description, show how this item can meet someone’s need, talk about the benefits of owning this item, you will have a much better chance of selling it.

I like this!  So I went to Wikipedia and looked up Life skills and here is the definition:

“Life skills are problem solving behaviors used appropriately and responsibly in the management of personal affairs. They are a set of human skills acquired via teaching or direct experience that are used to handle problems and questions commonly encountered in daily human life. The subject varies greatly depending on societal norms and community expectations.”

So based on the above experience and the definition of life skills, would learning to say NO more effectively support you in creating the life you really want?

The skills of setting boundaries, making decisions, communicating your wants, needs and desires,  being honest with yourself and other people, standing up for what you know to be right and true, decisive communication, following through on your projects, goals and activities,  and confidence all fall into life skills.

I believe that the basis of the above life skills is the ability to Say NO without feeling guilty.

• Setting Boundaries – Yes to what works, NO to what doesn’t work for you
• Making Decisions – Yes, NO and Maybe
• Communicating your needs, wants and desires – to communicate your needs, you must have identified them.  Same for wants and desires.  To identify them, you must make decisions.  Is X a need?  Yes – NO – Maybe
• Being honest with yourself and other people.  To be honest, you must be wiling to tell the truth.  Yes – NO – Maybe (again)
• Standing up for what you know to be right and true.  This one is huge, you use the skills of setting boundaries, making decisions, communicating your needs and desires, while being honest.  Now you add the willingness to be judged, condemned or ridiculed for telling how you feel and not going along with the crowd.  BIG one here, because not going along with the crowd is a serious NO sometimes!
• Decisive communication – Being upfront about your decisions. We are back to  Yes – NO – Maybe

Follow through on projects, goals and activities.  Follow through is all about getting it done, completed, finished!   What necessary actions will you DO to get it done?

Confidence comes from deciding and following through.

If you want to increase your confidence, what are you going to decide to do and then follow through on?

January 2014 Issue