My obsession with burlesque is a surprise to people who knew me growing up. Strait-laced, good girl. (But aren’t those always the ones with a deep longing for sensuality?) When I discovered burlesque and vintage, Fosse jazz, I was in love. The lines of the body created innuendos. The quality of movement was that of “anticipation.” The smallest flick of a heel or roll of a shoulder upped the ante. And here were women showing off their bodies – all shapes, sizes and experiences. Not hiding from who they really are.

Part of what I love about burlesque is the sheer diversity amongst body types! No boobs, but long legs (me)? Yup. Voluptuous curves all over? Yup. Tall? Short? Black? White? Old? Young? Check. Burlesque is a celebration of body, in all its varieties.

So often as women, the way we use our bodies to express our sensuality very often has very little to do with our own sexy self, and much more to do with what we think those around us expect it to be.

We dress for others – to be noticed, to please, to seduce, or even to repel. We act for others – strait-laced good girl, free-loving hippie, frigid ice maiden. We lose weight, or gain weight, or tighten and tone for the admiration of others, instead of for the benefits (physical and emotional) we will experience in ourselves!

Our bodies are the only thing we possess that are truly OURS (and what they house – our voices, minds, souls). We have a responsibility to honor that uniqueness. To be our own sexy selves, for ourselves. Because it’s who we are. Not because it’s what our partner wants, or what we think the guys at the bar are looking for, or because it worked for our best friend.

My sexy self is for me. It is part of me. No, she is me. I feel good when I honor that. When I dress and act in a way that feels sexy to me. I’m more confident, I’m more present. If we are constantly making our sexy self about others, we will spend the entire time focused on what those others are thinking of us. Never a healthy place to be.

And, our sexy selves don’t need to wait for when we go out to come out! Maybe you can’t wear a minidress to work, but there is a way you can express your sexy self there. Impractical shoes? Manicured nails? Smiling more? Saying what you mean and meaning what you say?

My challenge to you – honor your sexy self. There will be days you don’t feel sexy, don’t want to be sexy, and that’s OK. But the next time you find yourself worrying about what other people will think of your body, your clothing choices, your opinions, remember, those things are part of you. And you are beautiful, powerful, and yes, sexy.

September 2013 Issue