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Over the past few months I have struggled with the idea of truly loving myself.

I’ve drank green juice, taken a ton of yoga and meditation classes, gone for long walks in the park and you know what?

Nada. No love.

Here’s what I have discovered:

I can’t green juice my way to love and acceptance.

Loving myself means loving all of myself.

That includes parts of myself I don’t want you (or anyone) to see.

As it turns out, the same mechanism we use to hide our shit is the same one we use to dim our light.

Go figure.

For example, if you were to call me mean, I would probably go into a long-winded defense as to why I’m not mean at all. And on the contrary, I’ll give you 10 reasons why I’m the kindest, most loving soul there is.

Which is all true.

What you may not know about me is that I can be a huge bitch. A real good one at that.

However, me not embracing this mean or bitchy side of me is the problem.

It’s the reason I’ve spent so many years not speaking my truth, not showing up authentically, making really really poor relationship choices, and overall feeling like I was suffocating in a beautifully constructed trap called “Vasavi is a nice person.”

A little side rant about the word authentic.

Authentic isn’t just about showing up as your highest and best self.

What I’ve learned is that being authentic is about allowing yourself to be ALL of yourself.

Even (especially even) the parts of yourself you’d die if people saw or knew.

The parts of me that are opportunistic, strategic, clever as fuck, manipulative, selfish, jealous, and—yeah you got it—mean as hell.

I’d be fooling you and, more importantly, myself if I honestly believed I could make these parts go away by denying they were a part of me.

In fact, the more I denied these parts of myself, the more I attracted people into my life who were exactly that:

Opportunistic, strategic, clever as fuck, manipulative, selfish, jealous, and you yeah you got it- mean as hell.

Trust and believe that the Universe always puts the parts of yourself you deny right in front of you on purpose. At work, in your relationships, in your family and friends circle–everywhere.

Why?

So you can stop lying to yourself. So you can stop pretending like your shit doesn’t stink.

Authentic for me means that I can accept the parts of myself that I so cleverly disguise.

I recently had a friend tell me, “You love fame.”

I spent about 20 minutes defending that I don’t.

“Fame is a byproduct of all my hard work and good deeds and service oriented mindset,” I said.

While this may be true, there something I was denying.

Having fame and being famous is awesome.

I believe fame happens when you do really good work in the world to help people live better lives.

That, or you make a sex tape that gets “accidentally leaked.”

The point here is, I was trying so hard to not be seen as someone who loves fame. But you wanna know something?

Being famous (no matter how “big” or “small”) is great.

You get to be known and be seen and use your so-called popularity to spread positive messages (if you choose to do so).

And there is a huge responsibility that comes with a certain level of fame.

So the question I asked myself was, “Why am I defending that I love fame?”

Ohhh I see now.

I was raised to believe that fame is superficial and something people on TV chase.

Got it.

Well that’s just ridiculous.

Though that may be true to some, I equated fame to mean I would be no different than “those people on TV.”

Now imagine if I allowed that belief to run my life…

I wouldn’t be writing this article.

I would turn down opportunities which could potentially serve as a platform for me to share my expertise.

I would play small for fear of playing big.

I wouldn’t put myself out there because I’d be afraid to be called “fame chaser.”

I wouldn’t reach out to people who I thought could potentially help me for fear of being looked at as opportunistic.

I wouldn’t be promoting my message on a daily basis via Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and on my website.

By the way, do you see yourself in any of this?

What about fame or being seen scares the crap out of you?

What judgments do you have about it?

If you think this is just about fame, guess again.

This goes with anything or any “type” of person that you have judgments about.

What judgments do you have in general about “other types” of people?

It may sound something like:

“I’m not like that.”

“Those types of people are _______.” “

She is_____.”

“He is______.”

“I can’t stand him/her because he/she is ______.”

Whatever you find yourself judging in another person is a reflection of yourself. (tweet this like right now)

You possess those same exact qualities. They not be exhibited in the same way, but you wouldn’t be able to spot it if you didn’t have it in yourself.

I’ve learned there is no secret to loving yourself.

Every single part of yourself IS what makes you whole and complete.

Without these parts of myself I wouldn’t be this identity that I refer to as “Vasavi.”

Without these parts of yourself, you wouldn’t be YOU.

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March 2014 Issue