As the journey of self discovery continues and we peel back the layers of finding out who the hell we are authentically, I have been thinking a lot about my own mission to live my life as honest and truthfully as I can. Not everything is easy as pie when we start this journey. But once you have gone down this rabbit hole, there is no turning back. If you do go down this courageous journey, you won’t be able to ignore what you have found out about yourself and about life itself. When we find out certain truths of what we have led to believe in ourselves or how the world operates, we may begin to question how we’ve even lived our life this way in the first place.

We all wear masks.

It may be a mask we put on when we want to appear to know what we’re doing to not be judged, a mask that makes other people feel great around you so they’ll love you back, or a mask that you put on to look at yourself because you’re afraid of acknowledging who you are, because that might mean you were “wrong” in the way you’ve led your life.

It’s not your fault. We’ve been taught that being ourselves is not always appreciated by everyone. Since we were children, we have been taught that we have to do certain things or say certain things to make mommy and daddy happy. If we expressed ourselves truthfully, even at the times where we’re not our best selves, we might see judgment from others and then we won’t be liked.

What I’ve learned so far is this – the more I pull back the mask and pull back the layers of what I thought defined me, the more I like myself. The more I get frustrated at the process, the more I find ways to appreciate that I’m even doing this personal work in the first place. And the more I focus on living my life as brutally honest and authentic as I can, the clearer I am with my own mission and the right things fall together for me.

Discovery #1: You are ultimately betraying yourself by not living your truth

Have you ever done something or said something just to please someone else? It may have been a situation with a client where you may have said you could do something that you really can’t do just to make the sale. Or taken on work that you absolutely did not enjoy and it feels like pulling teeth. Or perhaps you didn’t say exactly what you needed to say to a friend that have been complaining for the 1000th time to leave her abusive boyfriend, but you sugar coated your words. Or maybe you’ve conformed to how you should behave on a first date because you don’t think the handsome stud across from the dinner table would run for the hills if he found out you had a potty mouth.

We try to cover up who we are genuinely because of the fear of being judged by someone else.

Discovery #2: It is exhausting trying to be someone else

I had a horrible case of Business Pornography when I first delved into my first venture. Constantly looking at what others were doing in the industry, seeing how they write, analyzing how they marketed their programs and services. Did that help me with my own business? Not really. I just confused the shit out of me even more. It made me think too much of what I needed to “appear” in the public realm, and not naturally doing and saying things I would normally do or say. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be educated on what’s happening around you, but people hire you for you, so the clearer they know about what you stand for and who you are, the easier it is to attract the right clients that have the values and mentality that you do.

If you are yourself, you don’t have to pretend anymore that you have to do a job you hate, or create a business for the sake of what is the newest trend that’s making money. You can make choices on exactly how you want to live and work on your terms. If you don’t like writing blogs, don’t. Record a video instead. If you are asked at work to take on extra tasks that you really don’t care for, be honest about it without the fear of judgment, because that’s going to bring up feelings of resentment, and eventually they’ll see it and what’s the point of all this anyway? If you really hate being too involved in the sales process for a client, but think you have to do it to give extra service, stop it right now. Be honest about what you provide, and let them decide if you’re a good fit. You’re not everything to everyone, you can only serve how you are able. And if you’re not the right fit, you just aren’t. It ain’t personal and it doesn’t reflect on your worth. This helps manage your own expectations of yourself and others’ expectations of you, and everything is clear and out on the table without “upsells” you can’t do.

When we are exactly who we are, the conflict we have in our thoughts stop. There is no more analyzing ourselves to the point of no return, figuring out how we want to say or do things, and fighting with ourselves on what is the best way to perform. We just be! Then we have no regrets on how we conduct ourselves, because it’s who we are and we accept it. As long as we are not maliciously trying to hurt others, we must be ourselves permission to shine our authentic selves. The right people will love you for it.

Discovery #3: You allow other people to be authentic

When you show yourself, including the flaws and the imperfections, you also give permission to others to do the same. They feel safe around you, that you’re not putting up a front, and they too, will take off their mask. And how great is that! Trust can be built on both sides, and everyone knows they get exactly what they see.

It is an amazing thing when there is a sense of ACCEPTANCE of everyone, and admit that we all come with the balance of kick-ass qualities, and imperfections do not have to be categorized as “wrong”. You’ll be surprised to know that what you thought were your flaw and imperfections can be something others admire or respect. To one person it can be a flaw, and to another it can be a gift. And when they see you living day to day in acceptance of all your good and “bad” qualities, and you’re honest about them, it empowers them to also crack their mask and be vulnerable.

Discovery #4: It reveals your shadows

When you see your real face behind the mask and say “Hello, stranger!”, this real face can reveal some dark parts of yourself, your shadows. The shadows of insecurity, fear, loneliness, unworthiness, jealousy, self judgment, anger, or hurt. The darkness of your shadows, when acknowledged, can also bring out your light. If we do not face these shadows, and we pretend that they do not exist, how the hell are we supposed to know the root of our sufferings? Why put on a smiley face when you really just want to admit, “I’m having a fucking bad day. I feel insecure and I think people don’t like me”? Just being honest with yourself and saying it out loud helps release the conflict inside of you, and you don’t have to pretend to cover up what you’re really feeling. Especially to yourself.  You know you can’t trick or con yourself from the truth.

Embrace that all of us come with shadows and that we are allowed to have shadows, just as we are allowed to shine our light. Find the beauty in the darkness and what it is revealing to you to help you move forward as your best self.

Discovery #5: A new sense of freedom

It is a declaration of “This is me! It’s not my problem if you like me or not like me, but I fucking like myself”. It’s not your job to make others like you, but it’s your job to honour and express who you are genuinely. We cannot be free to do what makes us happy, if we refuse to detach from all the things that we didn’t want to do in the first place.

When I infuse more truth in the way that I live my life, personally and professionally, I have no regrets. I don’t second guess what the right thing to do was, because it’s the only way I could have done it. I don’t have a choice, this is me. The more I tell the truth and be exactly who I am, as a way of respecting myself and others, I reveal a side of myself that I fall in love with. It’s like having the “honeymoon stage” with myself all the time. Oh there you are, you potty mouth straight shooter little minx.

Be yourself! You’re the only one that has to look at that mug for the rest of your life in that mirror. You better like who you see.

What happens when all our masks fall of?

What happens when we actually tell the truth, instead of struggling to please everyone? Well, for one, there’s less bullshit. Aren’t we all just tired of the bullshit? Politicians saying things just to get a vote and never doing what they promised, the lie of job security when really they can just fire you at any point if you stepped out of line, or companies lying to you about what’s really in your food so they can produce it faster and cheaper?

Comments

comments

November 2014 Issue