The “masculine strategies” as I call them, are the approaches to weight loss we constantly hear about in the mainstream media. No need for me to repeat the D*** word for you to know what I’m talking about. My guess is, popular though these strategies may be, they haven’t given you the sustainable results you’re looking for, and you’re still searching for what will.

That’s why I’m here to serve you up a different flavor of how things can be done–what I refer to as the “feminine strategies” for weight loss.

The core difference is this:

The masculine strategy perceives weight loss as being done to the body.

The feminine strategy perceives weight loss as being done with the body.

I spent 10 years focused on the masculine strategies, trying to control and manipulate my body into being the shape I wanted it to be. At the time I regarded my body as an out-of-control beast, full of cravings and compulsions, one that was definitely not to be trusted when it came to food. Weight loss required enforcing discipline upon my wayward body … or so I thought at the time.

Now I’m a messenger for the feminine approach that tackles this same problem from a completely different angle. Instead of your body being the problem that needs to be fixed, the emphasis is on your relationship with your body being the focus for change.

I realized that my body is not a broken-down, imperfect possession I have ownership of, but rather a living, breathing, feeling, decision-making creature, who like all animals in nature, already instinctively knows what to eat to be in shape–if only I would pay attention and listen.

Understanding that learning to truly respect and listen to my body’s wisdom was the key to finally freeing myself from the prison of my struggle with weight, my focus moved from “changing my body” to “changing my relationship with my body.”

Changing Your Relationship with Your Body

So how would you describe your relationship with your body? Is it kind? Is it cruel? Is it neglectful? Or is it darn right abusive? The good news is, if it’s not how you want it to be, it doesn’t have to stay that way, it’s completely in your hands to reinvent it anew.

From a feminine perspective, everything in life is about relationship, and weight loss is no exception. The only lasting pathway to the body of your dreams, is consciously crafting a delicious, respectful relationship with your body–and not vice versa as the magazines may lead us to believe.

It takes two to have a relationship, so for the purposes of pleasurable weight loss, as strange as it may sound, I’d like you to imagine that there are two of you: your mind, and your body. When the quality of the relationship between them improves, you’ll experience see the shedding of excess weight, a sign that an inner war is coming to an end.

Don’t Say “It,” Say “She”

To help you make this mindset shift, play with the English language a little bit, and instead of describing your body with the word “it,” start referring to your body as “she.” This may sound trivial, but using language that makes you think about your body as someone “other” than you, is an extremely powerful tool, because it heightens the realization that there’s a relationship at play.

Start playing with the idea that there’s two of you–“you,” your mind, and “her,” your body. You’re in a dance together in life, and once you learn to fully flow on the dance floor of life, sustainable weight loss will be a natural side-effect, because there’s no need to binge or overeat or be sedentary or depressed, when you’re dancing through life like Fred and Ginger.

Now that you’ve wrapped your head around this idea that there’s two of you, I have two relationships metaphors I’d like you to mentally try on for size, as you explore the mindset of cultivating a loving, conscious relationship between your body and mind.

1. Mother and Child

Imagine your mind is the mother, and your body is the child.

You, the mother, are in the most intimate bond with this vulnerable creature. Her life is entirely dependent on your care, and with good reason, because your love for her is unconditional, unquestionable, and eternal, nothing short of true devotion.

Your role as the mother is to guide, love and listen to your wide-eyed, innocent baby girl. Be open to her primal feedback of your child, regarding what she wants to eat, and how she wants to exercise, in order to feel her best.

Show how you value her by listening to her wordless messages, and nurturing her needs.  Be on the look out for how your child is clever and possesses wisdom beyond her years. Praise her for it at every opportunity. Remind her that she is always and forever unconditionally loved.

2. Lovers For Life

Imagine your mind is a husband, and your body a wife, in a lifetime committed union.

In a healthy, loving marriage, neither person is considered superior or more important than the other. They respect each other’s differences, and value each other’s needs and desires are equally.

And while it’s easy to keep a short-term love affair hot and interesting, how to keep a long-term marriage from which death is the only exit juicy and alive is another question.

The answer, I hope you won’t be surprised to hear, requires pleasure. To keep any adult love relationship ignited, pleasure must be involved. Your mission as the husband in this duo, is to seduce your wife into enjoying herself. Arouse her delight by igniting her senses, not just through food, but through all the creative ways you can dream of that allow her to inhabit her own skin.

The greatest gift you can give your beloved partner is your attention, so give it generously, and you will always be well rewarded in your love.

A Relationship Worth Dedicating Yourself To

Whichever metaphor inspires you, whether it be thinking of your body as your child, or as your wife, or another “other” once you start perceiving your weight, not as a sign of your body is flawed, but as a sign that your relationship with your body needs your attention for healing and reinvention, the process of slimming down takes on a whole new energy.

Now, knowing you are on this weight loss journey with your wise female body, not against her, let compassion, collaboration and respect for the wisdom of the feminine guide your way.

So tell me in the comments:

1. How’s your relationship with your body right now? How can you invest in making it better?

2. What do you need to do to be proud of your relationship with your body? What needs to improve, and what’s presently flourishing?

Once you do, forward this post to a friend who could benefit from the compassion of this feminine approach.
I send love to you and your female animal, and express my admiration for the loving, kind, compassionate relationship you are in the process of cultivating with her. Each one of us is a role model in our own way.

Love,

xo Jena

April 2013 Issue