How To Ask For Help—Even When It’s Hard

Hillary Rubin (Business Heroine Magazine)

You feel alone, sad, or confused. Your emotions have taken over. You are not able to think clearly for various reasons.

You had it together then didn’t, for whatever reason, and are now thinking your crappy thoughts are you.

You are supposed to know what to do next, right?  

Because everyone turns to you as the go-to person, a coach, or even a healer. You are their rock.

Admitting you can’t figure out something you thought you had a handle on scares the crap out of you.

You are not alone.

I totally get it and know this is one area that’s hard for me, mostly because I have coaching clients, family and friends who depend on my ability to navigate through moments like this in life.

Because I’m scared to look like I’m not in control or know what to do.

Hey, I’m the first to say go get help, find a coach when you can’t find your way out of this because you deserve to.

Not too long ago, I wasn’t getting sleep because my son kept waking up at night. I was still nursing him when he woke up and it was depleting me. I wasn’t getting sleep and was functioning on little to no energy – it’s amazing what we can do even when we are on empty.

See, nursing was one of the most important things to me as a mother, and I didn’t realize all that came with it.

Once we could not get my son to sleep we both decided we can’t do this any longer. I attempted to do it myself without any success and gave in.

After about 2 years of not sleeping, I could not take it any longer. I hired a sleep coach who saved the day. It was about 2 weeks of preparation for our family.

Then came Labor Day weekend, we started and there was no turning back.

The first night was the hardest. He woke up, cried, we loved him and helped him to help himself sleep. The second night was better. He woke up once. The third night he slept until 4:30. The fourth night he slept the night through and it’s been that way ever since.

In less than a week, Odin learned to sleep like a baby, it was incredible.  We followed the program and it worked.

Say hello to a surprise, a painful one…  

A week later I found myself feeling depressed, not able to focus and overwhelmed. WTF? I was like what is going on here? I would be fine, then be crying in my husband’s arms about all sorts of crazy things like feeling bad about being in my 40’s as a mom. My mind was racing all over the place because I was in survival mode.

It was not like me. My old stuff was coming up big time. I fell into thinking my thoughts and emotions were me.

This really big frickin dip in hormones opened me up instead of pulling me under because I stopped it immediately by asking for help. I did the thing I was scared to do, call myself out to get help even though it was hard for my ego to do.

So, I took a deep breath, swallowed my ego, had to step up and out to get support from other women, mamas who get me who are mamapreneurs, many who are coaches. When I hit post, I felt a little nervous about being judged. Then immediately I got replies from women I respect to help me and talk through it.

It was a relief to know I was not alone.

I’m glad I did because the pain I was dealing with went away pretty fast. I was able to focus on what was important and come back to what was really needed – time to take care of myself.

To have a place to get support and show my mind I’m not alone was key to finding my center.

How I Learned To Ask For Help

Step One: I told myself that I needed understanding to put myself out there and be vulnerable. This group of mamapreneurs was that place, so I had a green light to ask for help. (This is the place to start when you’re feeling like you “should” know what to do.)

Step Two: I told myself by giving myself permission to do this, it would help me to feel better and get the support I deserve to have. So, I took a deep breath, and began to write the post. This wasn’t the easiest to admit or write and I did it anyway.

Step Three: I had to own what I was feeling and call myself out to make it easier to ask for help. I made myself even more human and knew I was in a safe space to be vulnerable.  (If you feel you have to be in control, don’t know how to make yourself vulnerable, then own it and call yourself out, with love of course.)  

When we can step back, let it be OK – whatever it is that is coming up – and be honest with ourselves, then the “recovery” is shorter because you’re not in your head anymore.

Having another perspective, which is what coaching brings, so I could find what was true for me. It wasn’t about solving the problem, it was about being seen and heard, and being able to find my way again.

That is what I love about coaching and having the freedom to come out of any life or business challenges not alone and be more clear.

When you have someone to hear you out, see what you can’t see, then you can find your way out and on your path again.


Hillary Rubin (Business Heroine Magazine)

Business Heroine Magazine


We’d love to hear from YOU…

Where in your life or business do you need to ask for help? Where could you ask for the help you need? Leave your answer in the comments below!




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